Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Love Is But A Romance Novel

The show begins toggling between the season's two themes - Sean shirtless (this time in a racy shower scene - we know where inTouch got their inspiration) and giving insights about love in a V-neck shirt. This time it is maroon.  
The date card come to the house, and the first one on one is awarded to Sarah with one arm. The budget must be bigger this time around, because Sean arrives in a helicopter in a v-neck t-shirt. The two begin the date by bungee jumping off a 36 story building.  ABC loves to put a man in a harness on the first date. Look how cool he looks with his groin flanked by straps. This is better than having his shirt off!
After jumping off the building, they head off for a romantic dinner date. Sarah tells a touching story that would warm any ADA worker's heart. Years ago she wasn't allowed to zip line, because of her one arm. This experience showed her Sean thinks she can do anything - or the producers cleared it and told Sean this would be his first date. This date make Sarah see Sean as a man to protect her, and she says she is falling in love after one date. Sarah's intensity on the first date forces Sean to give her a rose. 
The next Date Card arrives for the first group date: Kristy, Amanda, Brooke, Leslie M, Daniella, Catherine, Robyn, Katie, Selma, Diana, Kacie B, Tierra. The girls teeter out of the house at midday in their 45 inch heels to go meet Sean at a gaudy mansion. Sean greets them from the balcony wearing a purple henley unbuttoned to mimic a v-neck. The date is a photo shoot for a 3-cover deal for a romance novel. Kristy nearly shits herself in exxcitement since she is a FORD model and all the girls are jealous of her beauty and ability to smoile and pose for the camera. At first I just thought Kristy was self-centered, that no girl was actually jealous of her, but Tierra fed into Kristy plan so easily. Tierra sits in the corner judging Kristy's extensions and makes a point to tel her hairstylist that she is "all natural". Because hair extensions are the new fake tits. 
It become pretty obvious that in one day at the house, Tierra is the front runner for most hated comepetitor. It's only a matter of time before they start calling her out for not being her for the right reasons. Robyn starts talking smack about "tacky ho" Tierra while she is sitting right next to her. And Tierra is officially labeled "the one they say acts differently around Sean". That didn't take long
The shoots begin. There are 4 set: Cowboy, Vampire, Historical, and Sexy - I am guessing they ran out of themes at the end there. First up is the Cowboy set up. It's like a porn dude ranch. Leslie's (the girl from DC) huge hips don't lie and she gets to kiss Sean while taking pictures. Tierra burns a hole in Leslie's dungarees. Leslie is actually terribly cute, and I want her to stick around. 
Tierra takes break away time on the camera to talk about how she is going to get a rose by showing Sean "she is her for the right reasons". She beat the girl to the punch! Kristy gets her moment to shine in the "sexy" set up. She puts the moves on hard during her photoshoot, and you can tell Sean is slightly uncomfortable. Tierra wigs at Kristy's bump and grind, and begins to talk in the third person. in the end, it is Kristy and her moves that win the 3-book deal - but a rose is still up for grabs. Sean ends the scene with a wardrobe change to a black v-neck.
The group then head off for "a pool party" which is actually them sitting around a pool in formal-wear, Sean and Leslie have a little one on one time, and he tries to kiss her, but she gets nervous and they don't. It's like being in high school. Daniella looking like she just rolled out of bed again seems wasted, yet so intelligent - "I'm, like, so excited to get to know you right now. You're, like, so fun". 
Leslie interrupts and makes a move on Sean. Daniella gives a slurred play by play of their make out. Kacie steps in looking like she forgot her pants in a red tunic that barely skims her butt cheeks. Sean and Kacie B discuss the "friend zone". she hopes hse is not in it, because they have known each other before. Sean assures her that he can see past their friendly history. Cut to Kacie who reads into what a rose would mean - giving it 75 different deep professions of Sean's love for her. Catherine pulls Sean aside and drops the line ever so classy line "I'm vegan, but I love the beef" Sean laughs nervously, his Christian values in a tizzy. Then it is Sean+Selma time. She is cute and seems slightly sedated. I'd love if we had a pill popper this season. Tierra, the chunky one, sits around the party in her fringe top, shoving food in her mouth declaring she is hungry, and complaining about one on one time. When alone, she tells Sean that she came on the show, because she liked what she saw on Emily's season. Which I find interesting, because in the first episode we see the producers tell her who the guy was, so I highly doubt she came on jut for Sean. 
The humidity is not kind to Katie's fro. She confides in Kacie B that she is not happy and Kacie convines her to leave the show. Katie talks to Sean who makes no effort to get her to stay. One down. Tierra does a jig. 
At the conclusion of the pool party, Sean gives Kacie the rose. I'm disappointed. I wish Leslie got it. Tierra agrees and "wants to punch her". Please keep this crazy around!
The next (and final) Date Card goes to: Desiree, the girl obsessed with weddings. Sean decides to plan the worst first date ever and play a prank on Desiree. candid Camera is always a great idea on a first date. Desiree thinks she has a really exciting date coming up, based on Sarah's helicopter. But sadly for her, Sean arrives via limo and whisks them off to a fake art gallery. Thirty minutes in, he is already calling her "Des". The prank begins. At the "gallery" Desiree is left alone in a room with a supposedly $1.5 million art piece. It comes crashing to the ground. Desiree barely reacts, because it is not a wedding gown, so it has no value to her. 
Wearing a hooker dress that barely skims her cheeks, the artist confronts her. She barely apologizes before Sean comes out and tells her he will "always support her" and that it is all a joke. Some sweet first date Sean. After the prank, he owes her a really awesome date, but instead takes her back to his house for dinner. Worst Bachelor one on one date in history - and Emily took one of her guys to a girls' soccer game. Back at the homestead, Sean makes her the ultimate guy cooked meal - steak, broccoli, and rice. They talk about how wonderful their parents are, then strip down for hot tub time, because some cliches never die. Sean gives her a rose, and they make out in hot tub. 
during the commercials  there is an ad for a Julia Stiles Hallmark movie of the week where she talks in her faux snob accent again. I set my DVR. 
several girls didn't get anytime with Sean this week, so the tensions at the rose party are running high. Lindsey, the girl who wore a wedding dress, opts this time for for a 1980's black and white ball dress. The girls introduce a second villain  Amanda. Amanda is the girl I thought was so cute and had the great red lipstick. She is apparently an anti-social freak, but at least her out fit was cute - minus those shoulder pad rosettes. 
Sean pulls Amanda away for one on one time, and she is a beams with spunkiness. This sends the girls - mainly Desiree who is on the verge of tears - into a tailspin of fury. 
Sean soothes Robyn's race fears by letting her know he sees no color, just like Jesus his Lord and Saviour. 
Leslie, the Poker Dealer, wears an ice skater costume, but still gets a rose. Sean doesn't see color or fashion. 

Out: Only two out this week - Brooke (who I thought was out last episode) and Diana (the mother of 2)

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