Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Wimpy Whiner

This week Emily goes back into "the olden days" in Prague. We are down to six guy with four dates on the table - 3 one-on-one and one group date.
The first date box arrives and it is for Arie. Littlefoot whines.
The couple heads out to sight see in Prague. As promised in the previews, Emily is all in a tizzy about Arie having dated a producer on the show. 
The Bachelorette Season 8, Episode 7 Promo
the other woman
Emily shows how well she deals with conflict by getting as passive agressive as possible by taking Arie to some statue where you rub a dog for loyalty. She uses this cryptic message to talk about how important honesty is to her. When asked if he has any secrets, Arie spills the beans that he has a tattoo. 
In the biggest let down in reality tv history since last week's Real Housewives of NYC, Chris Harrison comes back from commercial, and tells us that Arie, Emily, and the hussy producer solved their issue off camera. Essentially, Arie's relationship was a one night stand and he didn't even remember the producer, so he didn't think it was necessary to share. Emily buys it and can get back to making out with Arie. 

Never seen sparkly shorts and Frye boots paired together. Hope I never do again

Having made up, Arie and Emily head off for dinner where Arie tells Emily that he is in love with her, and he has known since their third date. Cue the firework display. 
While Arie is canoodling, Wolf gets the next one-on-one, and Littlefoot whines.
Wolf and Emily go on their date. In his pre-date interview, he talks about how crying about his grandpa at the last rose ceremony is a great jumping off point. No wonder you are single, Wolf. 
Emily take Wolf around Prague, and we have London deja vu when she begins reading from her tourist script about the Lennon Wall. The couple paints a really detailed boat on the wall, and commemorate it with a terrible photo. 
They then go to some wall with a bunch of locks that have some symbolism of love. Wolf can't get their lock to close, and Emily uses the love lock as a metaphor for their failed relationship.
Emily wants to get deeper with Wolf, so she takes that idea literally, and takes him to a dungeon for dinner. It is as if they are on two different dates when they are interviewed. Wolf is completely confident that he is the man of Emily's dreams. Emily wishes she was given a date rose and could end this thing early. 
The group date is announced - Sweet Sean, Daddy Doug, and Littlefoot. Littlefoot not only whines, but nearly has a meltdown
Poor baby

Wolf returns from the date bragging about how he has this competition in the bag. Sean sniffs out Emily's scent and runs into the street to find her. He hunts through the streets of Prague yelling her name, and shows us all why Europeans hate Americans. By the power of television, Sean finds Emily walking alone through the alleys of Prague with the camera crew just out of shot. They proceed to make out in the alley. (Again, i hope Ricki isn't getting any ideas)
More alleyway makeouts
Cut to the next morning. Littlefoot gets in his horse and carriage with Emily and 2 other guys, and he whines. They guys arrive at a castle. Daddy Doug talks about how it would be his whored out son's dream. Don't think planning a date for an 11 year old was ABC's intention. 
They toast some champagne, and Daddy Doug takes the opportunity to thank Emily for always being a gracious hostess. Wow, now that screams romance in 1950's. 
Emily takes Doug to the castle tower to try to get some action from him - again ABC trying show men that all women want to be princesses.
The Bachelorette Season 8 Episode 7
Emily tells Doug that she feels he is closed off, and doesn't know why he won't kiss her. To which Daddy Doug says he wants her to give him the ole 'Hey big dummy come and give me a kiss eyes', and i threw up a little in my mouth. While Emily is letting him down gently, he swoops in and gives her the most 7th grade kiss of all time. She responds with a  "Thank you for that". Ouch! And with that, Daddy Doug is sent home. And, yes, he cried.
Emily returns to the other guys. They both have keys to open a one-on-one time box. Sean gets the first shot at one on one time, and Littlefoot whines. Sean ends up getting the date rose, and wait for it.... Littlefoot whines. At this point, you can literally see the steam blowing out of his ears.
It's time for One F's date. Emily takes Jef with one F to a marionette shop. He is remarkably good at moving the Michael Jackson puppet, and I begin to think he may have worked on Lambchop in a past life. 
They pick out pupets in their likeness, and Jef with one F totally brown-noses and gets a puppet for Ricki. 
The couple leaves the shop and goes to an old library with their puppet mini-me's. Emily thinks it is a good idea that they reenact their first meeting. This scene drags on way too long and at the end, Jef with one F uses his puppet to tell Emily he is in love with her. Now, one would think in real life that this would be totally weird and the courtship would end then and there, but this is reality tv, and apparently that kind of thing works... 
Back at the house, the guys gear up for the rose ceremony. Wolf can't stop talking about how awesome his date was and how he knocked it out of the park. It's pretty awkward, because we all know he is going home. Littlefoot sits around whining that he didn't act like a man when Sweet Sean got the rose. Littlefoot, I think your incessant whining was also pretty unmanly. 

Littlefoot feels he MUST talk to Emily before the rose ceremony. But in an amazing turn of events, Emily said there will be no cocktail party, because her mind if made up. Littlefoot is visibly sweating in a panic. When it comes down to just him and Wolf, he shouts that he needs to talk to Emily. It sort of feels like if someone spoke at the "Speak now or forever hold your peace".
Emily listens to Littlefoot whine about being jilted, and he somehow manages to talk her into keeping him. Yep, Emily said goodbye to Wolf - like no one saw that coming from day one. 
Hometown dates are next week. Best week of the season. 

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