|"Littlefoot, go past the mountain that looks like a Longneck and there you will find the Great Valley of dating."|
While Emily and Littlefoot were repelling, the other guys got their date box. Tony Prince Charming got a lot of face time when the date card was announced. In reality television this is usually an indicator of that person being booted or getting the top prize. My hopes were pinned on him getting booted.
The next day all the guys, except Kalon and Arie, meet Emily at a park. She has a football and a soccer ball for them, because dudes dig that sports stuff. Jerry Maguire sees Emily with the football and jumps on the opportunity to show off his skills, while Doug and Sean sit in the corner talking about how they don't aggressively talk to women. Travis brought is his egg, now named Shelly, and Music Mike from Austin sported a sporty half pony tail. And they're one big happy family.
|Mike, stop it with mid-head ponytails|
Emily walks away for a moment leaving the guys freaking out over her absence. She returns and brings in her friends to size up the men. I bet her friends were as disappointed as I was in her pickings. Really America, this is the best you can do for women?
The guys brought their A-game to impress Emily's friends, and of course Stevie O'Shea broke out the pop and lock. Sean didn't get a date last week, so it was good to finally meet him. And while he is scared to talk to women, he seems squeaky clean and pretty genuine. He was so nervous talking to Emily's friends, but seemed to ease up once they made him take off his shirt and do push ups (you think i'm joking, but this here is the truth)
|Just another day in the park.|
The dates gets even dreamier for the guys when Emily unleashes a herd of kids on them. Ryan, bored with the rug rats, interrupts girl talk and fumble big time in front of Emily's friends when he confesses that he wouldn't be attracted to her anymore if she got fat. I believe the direct quote was: "I'd still love her, but not love on her". Good work, Ryan. At the end of the play date, Sean got all the girls' votes.
Emily then takes "her boys" to a cocktail party in Charlotte. Daddy Doug shares with Emily that he grew up in the foster care system and has a overcome a lot to make something of his life and be a contestant on the Bachelorette. But, Emily's time is taken by Tony Prince Charming who got choked up with crocodile tears talking about how much he misses his son. (He misses him so much he forgot to wear a shirt under his sweater.) They dragged out his scenes way too long. I wish I could tell you more about what he said, but I had to fast forward.
Arie got the next one-on-one date. I was looking forward to this one, because I think Arie is best catch thus far. The couple goes to Doooooollywoooood! If you live in the south, you have seen the ads for the crown jewel of Pigeon Forge, TN. Christmas in Dollywood commercials are some of my favorites. This date was genius. But really, how can Emily say this is her favorite place, but have never been on a roller coaster? That is like saying you love bakeries, but have never tried a cupcake.
The couple spends the day dancing to 3-piece jug bands and eating cotton candy. The producers then surprise Emily with a private show by Dolly Parton. Dolly wrote a special song about finding lasting love in 6 weeks on a reality television show while Arie and Emily awkwardly danced.
After their concert, the couple makes out on the carousel, and Emily is totally smitten by Arie. Winn-ah, Winn-ah, Winn-ah!
At the rose ceremony, Emily pulls Kalon aside since he didn't get a date this week. She calls Kalon a "genuine guy". I could not think of a more pretentious, non-genuine person. He cuts Emily of when she is talking, and Emily is not impressed. She coined my favorite line of the night: "I like tall, skinny and funny, but not tall, skinny and condescending". Luckily his helicopter arrival is still awing Emily and Kalon got to stay.
Emily's friends wisely told Travis to get rid of his ostrich egg, Shelly. So he had Emily ceremoniously smash it. I wish this meant she she smashed Travis and his faux hawk's dreams of being her husband, but I'll take the baby steps.
Alessandro or Alejandro not sure which, got sent home for calling Emily's daughter a "compromise". Luckily, Arie was there to kiss away her tears. The guys saw it and freaked out. Ryan "never saw himself competing against a guy like Arie" calling him a "dainty man". I love this high school jock mentality. I bet Ryan put a lot of scrawny kids in their lockers and then chest bumped his dude friends wearing letterman jackets.
Stevie ended up being the only guy eliminated in the rose ceremony, and I couldn't be happier. I am sure there is a Snooki at one of the bat mitzahs you DJ that will love you, Stevie.