Grammy Glam

First off, apologies for not doing a review on the SAG Awards. It's like all of Hollywood got together and gave their stylists and hair people the night off. It was really terrifying - Pregnant Kerry Washington wore a crop top. A crop top! Pregnant! Read the Fug Girls recap in case you missed it. 

The Grammys never disappoint. For some reason, people in music have terrible fashion sense. The only award show tackier than the Grammys is the CMAs. This year was no different. No one offended like Britney & Justin, but we had some close contenders. 

Number 1's
The only thing Taylor Swift did well last night was don this gorgeous Gucci. If only she would be a wax figure of herself, then she wouldn't ruin all musical events by dancing like an embarrassing mom. Taylor, you don't have to be the only person dancing in the crowd for other artists to know that you are a fan. It's not cute, it's not endearing, it doesn't make us think that you are so normal and just like us. It's incredibly annoying - and I wasn't the even people in the 5 rows behind you being blocked by your "Sprinkler".

Katie Perry's hair is certifiable crazy-pants, but as far as event themed dresses go, this one is pretty cute. You can't really tell in the picture, but her wrists are tied with tulle which is complete overkill, and should have been left on the tailor's floor. Her makeup however, looked incredible on camera. I would love to get a Marie Claire how-to from her make-up artist. 

Macklemore & Ryan Lewis did crazy Grammy suits right. The Grammy's are too playful for a boring tux, but you can't show up in a t-shirt and tux jacket (I'm looking at you Keith Urban). These suits are perfectly tailored, look fancy, but are still interesting and hip.

Sarah Hyland looked fun and adorable, but I would really prefer if she had asked 14 year old me to borrow my Homecoming dance shoes before stealing them from my closet at my parents' house. My Bebe dress won't be the same without them. 

Gary Clark, Jr. could have come dressed like Blake Shelton, and I wouldn't mind. His date is super unattractive and not perfect at all. Maybe I have a chance...

Chrissy Teigen looked smoking on the arm of John Legend. Yes, her dress does seem like it may fall down at any second, but I guess the chance of a wardrobe malfunction adds to the sexiness.

Ciara looked insanely gorgeous. I love this sort of art deco dress. Well played.

Musical Assault

Pharrell's hat already has a twitter account. I think he also might be hiding the creators of Twitter under that had. 

Well, if Pink wanted to look like the manliest woman at the Grammys, she succeeded - and that's pretty tough with Paula Patton on the carpet. I'm pretty sure she could crush me with her PINKy finger and then do one of those pec dances in celebration. 

Robin Thicke of course rocked sunglasses at an indoor event, because that is cool. And his drag queen wife wrapped herself in a sparkly zebra print rug from Z Gallerie. Nothing says classy broad like sparkles and animal print. 

Ariana Grande wore this weird, "huh?" face for all her red carpet shots. I think that giant goob Austin Mahone gave her tips. Aside from this bad bridesmaid's dress eating her petite frame for breakfast, Ariana thought since she is coming up on 85 21, she should wear beige pantyhose with her Easy Spirit heels. Maybe that "huh" face is her realizing that her stylist mixed up her outfit with Betty White's.

This pains me so. I love Anna Kendrick (you should follow her on instagram. She is hysterical). I am fairly sure that if the universe brought us together, it would be spontaneous Insta-bestie. No one would be able to interrupt our witty banter between giggles and sips of champagne. It's sad for Anna that she hasn't met me yet, because I would have told her that this dress was wrong on so many levels.

Glynn, remember when we used to obsess over Jared Leto's brother, Shannon (center, below), when he was in the Buffalo Tom episode of My So Called Life? Yeah, about that... 

Let's review Paris Hilton's resume: Celebutante, reality television star, XXX amateur, spokeswoman, handbag designer, author, actor, pop star, DJ, and now alternate for the Olympic figure skating team at the Sochi Olympics. 

I have zero idea who Chrisete Michele is, and she seems to be so insignificant that a designer wouldn't even loan her a shirt for the big night. Ladies, please reference these pants as the complete opposite of what you should buy when on the hunt for a figure flattering pant. 

Crazy: a :  mad, insane <yelling like a crazy man>

b (1) :  impractical <a crazy plan> (2) :  erratic <crazydrivers>

c :  being out of the ordinary :  unusual <a taste for crazyhats>

Thank you, Skylar Gray, for showing us all that full length, flesh tone leather with a high stomach cut-out is a Glamour Don't. 

Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, BEETLEJUICE!

When a bag of cotton balls happen to good people. 

Olive You

I have a new favorite kitchen item: Flavored olive oils from St. Helena Olive Oil Co. 

I have the Lemon, Basil, and Jalapeno, and they are fantastic! Each bottle packs major flavor punch. The packaging is beautifully simple too, so they make great gifts for the chef who has it all. 

I've been using the lemon most frequently - it's the perfect substitute when a recipe calls from fresh lemon juice, and I am too lazy to go back to the grocery store, because I forgot it. 

One of my favorite ways to use the lemon oil is on brussels sprouts. Gena Knox's Brussels Sprouts with Lemon & Pecorino inspired a more "packed pantry" friendly version. I whip these up for a simple dinner or quick lunch all the time. 

Brussels Sprouts with Parmesan

Serves 2-3

3 cups Brussels Sprouts

2-3 Tbsp Lemon Olive Oil

1/4 cup water

2-3 tbsp Parmesan Cheese shredded

Cut off brussels sprouts' stem. Slice in half and then cut lengthwise to make ribbons. Heat oil in pan, toss in brussels sprouts. Saute 3 minutes. Add water and stir until evaporated. Let cook 5 more minutes, or until brussels sprouts are desired tenderness. Top with parmesan. 

You can add shallots, bacon, pomegranates, what ever your little heart desires. 

See told you that was easy!

I like to use the jalapeno to add heat to cornbread and saute vegetables - adding spice is the only way to get Mr. Fonty to eat his greens. The basil is perfect on vegetables, salads, fruits, cheese, anything really, it's basil, the most delicious herb of all time. 

Golden Girls

So... what'd you think of the Golden Globes? There was some major hype about "the incredible first 6 minutes" of the show. Maybe I missed those 6 minutes, because what I saw was a pretty standard opening monologue - as Mr. Fonty called it "A PG Comedy Central roast". And, how obnoxious was P.Diddy announcing the Best Score and Best Song awards?!? I am pretty sure he thought he was the most important person in the room. This ain't a Ciroc commercial, P. Diddy.

I am surprised by how many dresses I loved this year - it's a 10 way tie. I am a bit disappointed with all the mullet dresses out there. I was hoping this trend had been relegated to Forever 21 by now. As always, there were many frightening looks that must be put on front street.  Since #hashtags are the most annoying thing to come out of social media, why not jump on the bandwagon and rate looks via hashtag. 

Winners

#agirlcandream Naomi Watts & Liev Schreiber 

Umm....how are 2 people this attractive together (not to mention how adorable they are riding around on bikes with their 2 boys). On the red carpet, they were as charming as they are good looking telling Ryan Seacrest that Naomi said "So are you going to get my digits?" the first time they met. #starstheyrejustlikeus

 

#canigetmarriedalloveragain Seth Myers' wife

I'm sort of obsessed with this dress. I want to get married again and wear this, and then get it in an array of jewel tones, and wear it to every event for the rest of my life. Well played, Seth Myers' wife, well played. 

#comeflywithme Margot Robbie 

I am pretty sure I was the only person watching PanAm (and seeing that it was canceled mid-season, by pretty sure I mean, positive) Margot Robbie was precious in PanAm, and I am so glad to see her killing it on the red carpet. She even got the shoes right! That emerald green is the stuff dreams are made of. Top notch, Margot. I hope we see lots more from your charming self. 

#babyonboard Kerry Washington in Balenciaga 

I couldn't find a picture that captured how great Kerry Washington really looked. I hope this launches into some sort of maternity line for the modern powerhouse fixer.

#itsabirditsaplane Lupita Nyong'o 

How chic does Lupita look?! This is how you make a name for yourself on the red carpet. Yes, it is very reminiscent of Gwenyth's white Tom Ford  look from last year, but she kills it. The color, the makeup, the fit... all flawless

#greenwithenvy Helen Mirren

Every mother of the bride for the 2014 season should be recreating this dress. The color and beading are a dream. 

#thisis40 Leslie Mann 

I am sort of over the peplum trend, mainly because it is incredibly unflattering on me, and I hate how "stylists" on the Today show always recommend it for women with bellies. Please stop. Peplums look good on girls with bodies like Leslie Mann, and she killed it last night. 

#bestdressedandiamnotsurprised Cate Blanchett in Armani

We've all come to expect greatness from Cate Blanchett, and last night was no different. Her back in this dress makes me want to hit the gym for 4 hours today. I think this is my favorite dress of the night - along with Seth Myers' wife. 

#sofreshandsocleanclean Emma Watson

I've never seen a Harry Potter movie, so I can appreciate Emma Watson for the adorable 20-something Indie actress that she is. This is actually a dress over pants. I know, "oh the shame!". But girlfriend kills it! Young Hollywood needs to take note. 

#talldrinkofwater Allison Williams

Hoda & Kathie Lee had Allison Williams on the other day, and she is so delightful. She looked incredible last night.

#53isthenew33 Julia Louis Dreyfus

Killed it!

It's Nice to be Nominated

#maybeyouneedmaybelline Kate Mara

House of Cards is a favorite in the Fonty house, and Kate Mara is great in it. But who let her leave the house with this combo of hair that washes her out and no lipstick? This dress could have seriously benefited from a bright lip - although i get what she is going for with keeping her chi-chis as her main accessory. 

#hereleezardleezardleezard Olivia Wilde

I can imagine that dressing for the red carpet while pregnant is probably very difficult. I can also imagine that Olivia Wilde didn't notice that her dress took on a reptilian sheen when camera flashes went off. 

#socloseyetsofaraway Amy Adams in Valentino

Amy, Amy, Amy... Does Amy Adams ever get it right? This dress is so pretty, and it fits her beautifully. Then, as per usual, she has to go and ruin it with terrible hair and bad styling! That necklace is awesome, and would have been really pretty with her dress had it been 8 inches higher instead of playing bumper cars with her boobs. I have a feeling 17 year olds around the country will be mimicking this hairstyle for prom... oh wait, you're right, even Seventeen magazine from 2002 is more modern than this 'do. All she is missing is a little ear tendril.

#cinchit! Jennifer Lawrence in Dior

I should hate this dress. The minute I saw it I instantly flashed to the classic Gap skit on SNL "Cinch it!". It is basically a down comforter with belts, but somehow Jennifer Lawrence pulls it off... I think? Yes? No?

#ivegotthegoldenticket Julie Bowen

First, Julie Bowen's hair looked ah-mazing. I also really, really like this dress, but the colors are terrible. She looks like Willy Wonka's wife. If this dress was emerald and navy it may have been a best dressed for me. 

Looo-osers

#whoslippedonthebananapeel  Lena Dunham in Zac Posen

Seriously, how does no one call Zac Posen out for making the same dress over and over and over?! Normally this silhouette is flatting because it is on someone tall and thin and/or paired with great hair and/or jewelry. Lena Dunham accessorizes with... a great personality?

#whenbaddresseshappentogoodpeople Zoe Saldana in Prabal Gurung

This dress was even uglier on TV, as if that is possible. I have a theory about what happened here. It was down to the wire and Eva Zoe realized she needed to drop her bad girl attitude and try out for the ballet company. Jody donated an LBD from a date with Cooper. Then all the Center Stage cast-mates worked overtime making a craft project costume for her audition in front of Juliette and Jonathon. Sadly, one of her flower appliques fell off, and she tripped mid pirouette. 

#therearenowords Caitlin Fitzgerald

What?!? ... WHAT?!?

#letsdothewildthing Hayden Panettiere in Tom Ford

If I were Hayden Panettiere, I would fire my stylist. She perpetually looks like a stocky hobbit wearing her mom's Dress Barn hand-me-downs. This dress is made for a 60 year old woman with fabulous arms and shoulders. Hayden is neither of these. And the hair! The hair! She must have brought in the movie poster from Wild Things as inspiration. Unless she plans on making out with Neve Cambell in a pool, this look isn't going to work. 

#momsgonewild Reese Witherspoon in Calvin Klein

Is that Reese Witherspoon or the midwest housewife who won the Redbook contest for a trip to the Golden Globes? Suburb chic.

#purplepeopleeater That girl from Parks & Rec

Mr. Fonty is kind of in love with this girl who's name I never remember, so he told me he thought she looked fine. I think she looks like a My Super Sweet Sixteen birthday girl with a Purple Passion Party theme. The skirt is a break-away to a mini for when she gets on stage with the b-list rapper her dad hired. The crowd would have gone wild had they not all been expecting a Kanye/Jay-Z duet. 

#blackandwhiteandwrongalloverKaley Cuoco
I think Kaley Cuoco shared a pomade tub with Hayden Panettiere - and maybe a stylist, because they both seem to always look awful. The hair is just the beginning of her problems. Her makeup looks like she woke up in a frat house and can't find her purse. The cups on her top are 2 sizes to small, and the dress is disgusting. 

#pricisllaqueenofthedesert Paula Patton 

Am I the only one who questions Paula Patton's gender? No matter what she is wearing, she looks like a drag queen. And who fit this dress? Did she find her favorite drag heels at the last minute when the dress had already been hemmed? I am sure we will all hear from Robin Thicke about how she looks so hot and they had crazy sex in the limo on the way there, because he can't keep his hands off his high school sweetheart. Hey Robin, just saying, anyone who feels the need to be so vocal about their sex life is probably overcompensating for something...

\

Paula, this is how you do ruffles: 

#gross Julia Roberts

At first I thought this was a bandeau top and a skirt over a men's shirt - which was bad. Upon closer inspection, the white is a sparkly belt. So this is an evening gown over a white shirt.. Yes, and evening gown over a white shirt! My loathing of Julia Roberts continues. And for the record, Jules, THIS is how you wear a men's button down to an awards show

#tooschoolforschool The British one from Girls

Originally,  had a picture of this girl in which I was going to talk about how she A) wasn't wearing a bra and her boobs were in her armpits and B) could have seriously benefited from some Spanx to create a shape and C) probably shouldn't have wore flesh tone. Then I saw her date and was at a loss for words. 

#mullet Sandra Bullock

On someone else maybe, MAYBE this dress would work. But Sandra Bullock is too old for it and it is not flattering at all. Worst of all, it's mullet dress! Her hair and makeup looked great though. 

The last 3 dresses make me really nervous that 90's fashion is making a comeback:

#flowerpower Drew Barrymore

Another mullet dress... On the red carpet, Drew Barrymore talked about her upcoming photography book. The book features naturally existing hearts in nature - yes, a book of leaves shaped as hearts. It's official, they will publish anything with a celebrity's name on it. Back to the dress, Drew is returning to her former flower child days, and I think she should have left them in the 90's along with her best films. 

#thisiswhathappenswhenyousleepwiththehelp Heidi Klum

I blame her new bodyguard boyfriend for this. 

#isthatcrushedvelvet? #isshepregnant? Uma Thurman

Is Uma Thurman pregnant? If not, this dress is doing her no favors. It's hard to imagine I could see anything beyond the ice skater turtleneck. 

Who were your best and worst dressed?

Happy award season!