Monday, January 13, 2014

Golden Girls

So... what'd you think of the Golden Globes? There was some major hype about "the incredible first 6 minutes" of the show. Maybe I missed those 6 minutes, because what I saw was a pretty standard opening monologue - as Mr. Fonty called it "A PG Comedy Central roast". And, how obnoxious was P.Diddy announcing the Best Score and Best Song awards?!? I am pretty sure he thought he was the most important person in the room. This ain't a Ciroc commercial, P. Diddy.
I am surprised by how many dresses I loved this year - it's a 10 way tie. I am a bit disappointed with all the mullet dresses out there. I was hoping this trend had been relegated to Forever 21 by now. As always, there were many frightening looks that must be put on front street.  Since #hashtags are the most annoying thing to come out of social media, why not jump on the bandwagon and rate looks via hashtag. 

#agirlcandream Naomi Watts & Liev Schreiber are 2 people this attractive together (not to mention how adorable they are riding around on bikes with their 2 boys). On the red carpet, they were as charming as they are good looking telling Ryan Seacrest that Naomi said "So are you going to get my digits?" the first time they met. #starstheyrejustlikeus
Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts Are Popping (Mini) Bottles 
#canigetmarriedalloveragain Seth Myers' wife
I'm sort of obsessed with this dress. I want to get married again and wear this, and then get it in an array of jewel tones, and wear it to every event for the rest of my life. Well played, Seth Myers' wife, well played. 
Seth Meyers and Alexi Ashe attended the Globes.
#comeflywithme Margot Robbie 
I am pretty sure I was the only person watching PanAm (and seeing that it was canceled mid-season, by pretty sure I mean, positive) Margot Robbie was precious in PanAm, and I am so glad to see her killing it on the red carpet. She even got the shoes right! That emerald green is the stuff dreams are made of. Top notch, Margot. I hope we see lots more from your charming self. 
Margot Robbie, Golden Globes
#babyonboard Kerry Washington in Balenciaga 
I couldn't find a picture that captured how great Kerry Washington really looked. I hope this launches into some sort of maternity line for the modern powerhouse fixer.

Kerry Washington, Golden Globes
#itsabirditsaplane Lupita Nyong'o 
How chic does Lupita look?! This is how you make a name for yourself on the red carpet. Yes, it is very reminiscent of Gwenyth's white Tom Ford  look from last year, but she kills it. The color, the makeup, the fit... all flawless
Lupita Nyong'o, Golden Globes 2014
#greenwithenvy Helen Mirren
Every mother of the bride for the 2014 season should be recreating this dress. The color and beading are a dream. 
Helen Mirren was a vision in her green gown.
#thisis40 Leslie Mann 
I am sort of over the peplum trend, mainly because it is incredibly unflattering on me, and I hate how "stylists" on the Today show always recommend it for women with bellies. Please stop. Peplums look good on girls with bodies like Leslie Mann, and she killed it last night. 
Leslie Mann, Golden Globes
#bestdressedandiamnotsurprised Cate Blanchett in Armani
We've all come to expect greatness from Cate Blanchett, and last night was no different. Her back in this dress makes me want to hit the gym for 4 hours today. I think this is my favorite dress of the night - along with Seth Myers' wife. 
#sofreshandsocleanclean Emma Watson
I've never seen a Harry Potter movie, so I can appreciate Emma Watson for the adorable 20-something Indie actress that she is. This is actually a dress over pants. I know, "oh the shame!". But girlfriend kills it! Young Hollywood needs to take note. 
Emma Watson, Golden Globes
#talldrinkofwater Allison Williams
Hoda & Kathie Lee had Allison Williams on the other day, and she is so delightful. She looked incredible last night.
Allison Williams, Golden Globes 2014
#53isthenew33 Julia Louis Dreyfus
Killed it!
Julia Louis-Dreyfus flaunted her figure on the red carpet.

It's Nice to be Nominated
#maybeyouneedmaybelline Kate Mara
House of Cards is a favorite in the Fonty house, and Kate Mara is great in it. But who let her leave the house with this combo of hair that washes her out and no lipstick? This dress could have seriously benefited from a bright lip - although i get what she is going for with keeping her chi-chis as her main accessory. 
#hereleezardleezardleezard Olivia Wilde
I can imagine that dressing for the red carpet while pregnant is probably very difficult. I can also imagine that Olivia Wilde didn't notice that her dress took on a reptilian sheen when camera flashes went off. 
Olivia Wilde at the Golden Globe Awards on January 12, 2014
#socloseyetsofaraway Amy Adams in Valentino
Amy, Amy, Amy... Does Amy Adams ever get it right? This dress is so pretty, and it fits her beautifully. Then, as per usual, she has to go and ruin it with terrible hair and bad styling! That necklace is awesome, and would have been really pretty with her dress had it been 8 inches higher instead of playing bumper cars with her boobs. I have a feeling 17 year olds around the country will be mimicking this hairstyle for prom... oh wait, you're right, even Seventeen magazine from 2002 is more modern than this 'do. All she is missing is a little ear tendril.
Amy Adams, Golden Globes
Amy Adams Takes the Plunge in Red
#cinchit! Jennifer Lawrence in Dior
I should hate this dress. The minute I saw it I instantly flashed to the classic Gap skit on SNL "Cinch it!". It is basically a down comforter with belts, but somehow Jennifer Lawrence pulls it off... I think? Yes? No?
Jennifer Lawrence made a stunning arrival in a white Dior gown.
#ivegotthegoldenticket Julie Bowen
First, Julie Bowen's hair looked ah-mazing. I also really, really like this dress, but the colors are terrible. She looks like Willy Wonka's wife. If this dress was emerald and navy it may have been a best dressed for me. 
Julie Bowen from Modern Family fame hit the red carpet.

#whoslippedonthebananapeel  Lena Dunham in Zac Posen
Seriously, how does no one call Zac Posen out for making the same dress over and over and over?! Normally this silhouette is flatting because it is on someone tall and thin and/or paired with great hair and/or jewelry. Lena Dunham accessorizes with... a great personality?
Lena Dunham, Golden Globes
#whenbaddresseshappentogoodpeople Zoe Saldana in Prabal Gurung
This dress was even uglier on TV, as if that is possible. I have a theory about what happened here. It was down to the wire and Eva Zoe realized she needed to drop her bad girl attitude and try out for the ballet company. Jody donated an LBD from a date with Cooper. Then all the Center Stage cast-mates worked overtime making a craft project costume for her audition in front of Juliette and Jonathon. Sadly, one of her flower appliques fell off, and she tripped mid pirouette. 
Zoe Saldana Stuns at the Golden Globes
#therearenowords Caitlin Fitzgerald
What?!? ... WHAT?!?
Caitlin FitzGerald, Golden Globes
#letsdothewildthing Hayden Panettiere in Tom Ford
If I were Hayden Panettiere, I would fire my stylist. She perpetually looks like a stocky hobbit wearing her mom's Dress Barn hand-me-downs. This dress is made for a 60 year old woman with fabulous arms and shoulders. Hayden is neither of these. And the hair! The hair! She must have brought in the movie poster from Wild Things as inspiration. Unless she plans on making out with Neve Cambell in a pool, this look isn't going to work. 
Hayden Panettiere, Golden Globes 2014
#momsgonewild Reese Witherspoon in Calvin Klein
Is that Reese Witherspoon or the midwest housewife who won the Redbook contest for a trip to the Golden Globes? Suburb chic.
Reese Witherspoon Shows Her Hawaiian Glow at the Globes
#purplepeopleeater That girl from Parks & Rec
Mr. Fonty is kind of in love with this girl who's name I never remember, so he told me he thought she looked fine. I think she looks like a My Super Sweet Sixteen birthday girl with a Purple Passion Party theme. The skirt is a break-away to a mini for when she gets on stage with the b-list rapper her dad hired. The crowd would have gone wild had they not all been expecting a Kanye/Jay-Z duet. 
Aubrey Plaza, Golden Globes
#blackandwhiteandwrongalloverKaley Cuoco
I think Kaley Cuoco shared a pomade tub with Hayden Panettiere - and maybe a stylist, because they both seem to always look awful. The hair is just the beginning of her problems. Her makeup looks like she woke up in a frat house and can't find her purse. The cups on her top are 2 sizes to small, and the dress is disgusting. 
Kaley Cuoco Takes a Solo Trip Down the Red Carpet
#pricisllaqueenofthedesert Paula Patton 
Am I the only one who questions Paula Patton's gender? No matter what she is wearing, she looks like a drag queen. And who fit this dress? Did she find her favorite drag heels at the last minute when the dress had already been hemmed? I am sure we will all hear from Robin Thicke about how she looks so hot and they had crazy sex in the limo on the way there, because he can't keep his hands off his high school sweetheart. Hey Robin, just saying, anyone who feels the need to be so vocal about their sex life is probably overcompensating for something...
Paula Patton wore a dramatic white gown.
Paula, this is how you do ruffles: 
#gross Julia Roberts
At first I thought this was a bandeau top and a skirt over a men's shirt - which was bad. Upon closer inspection, the white is a sparkly belt. So this is an evening gown over a white shirt.. Yes, and evening gown over a white shirt! My loathing of Julia Roberts continues. And for the record, Jules, THIS is how you wear a men's button down to an awards show
Red Carpet Royalty Julia Roberts Returns to the Globes
#tooschoolforschool The British one from Girls
Originally,  had a picture of this girl in which I was going to talk about how she A) wasn't wearing a bra and her boobs were in her armpits and B) could have seriously benefited from some Spanx to create a shape and C) probably shouldn't have wore flesh tone. Then I saw her date and was at a loss for words. 
Girls star Jemima Kirke walked the red carpet with her casually-dressed husband, Michael Mosberg.
#mullet Sandra Bullock
On someone else maybe, MAYBE this dress would work. But Sandra Bullock is too old for it and it is not flattering at all. Worst of all, it's mullet dress! Her hair and makeup looked great though. 
Sandra Bullock Goes Bold as She Hopes For Gold
The last 3 dresses make me really nervous that 90's fashion is making a comeback:
#flowerpower Drew Barrymore
Another mullet dress... On the red carpet, Drew Barrymore talked about her upcoming photography book. The book features naturally existing hearts in nature - yes, a book of leaves shaped as hearts. It's official, they will publish anything with a celebrity's name on it. Back to the dress, Drew is returning to her former flower child days, and I think she should have left them in the 90's along with her best films. 
Drew Barrymore Returns to Her Flower Child Days
#thisiswhathappenswhenyousleepwiththehelp Heidi Klum
I blame her new bodyguard boyfriend for this. 
Heidi Klum wore Marchesa to the event.
#isthatcrushedvelvet? #isshepregnant? Uma Thurman
Is Uma Thurman pregnant? If not, this dress is doing her no favors. It's hard to imagine I could see anything beyond the ice skater turtleneck. 
Uma Thurman kept things glamorous on the red carpet.
Who were your best and worst dressed?
Happy award season!


  1. 1. I have seen Naomi and Liev and their two boys doing exactly that, and it's perfect. They are perfect
    2. I WATCHED PAN AM!! And every time someone asks about her, I preface my answer with, "Well I'm pretty sure I was the singular viewer of this show, but..."
    3. I'm with on the rest

  2. I LOVED Pan Am and am always wondering what happened to Colette's family and did she find her brother....? It was such a great show.... ;o( Clearly I need to separate real life from tv. I agree with your 'mullett' statement and what was with all the color block dresses? They didn't even match!!! ARAGH! I can't wait to watch tivo'd Joan Rivers' fashion police tonight. XOXO!!

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